Letting him go

Watching the stars, with your arm gently around my waste. Just out the terrace door, in front of my old apartment. You showing me the Stars, me — in awe. I had forgotten to look up into the skies. I peaked into your eyes, and saw the night sky twinkle there. I could see a sea of stars. In your bright-blue eyes. Or was it just you, happy? Me, seeing us under the shooting stars together, later. From a mountain top. Or maybe by the sea. Together, sometime to come. Us, and the Milky Way. To never be.

Goodbye.

Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash

Sitting next to you on the sofa, watching something of no consequence. Your presence, filling me with comfort. The warmth. Even though I was so cold. You warmed me up inside, even if my body was shivering from the cold. I felt protected, small, all curled up next to you. You guarded me from the Universe, the hurt, the loneliness. Your hand slowly stroking my hair. The thought of having our very own and bigger sofa, to cuddle up like that, for the seasons (of life) to come. A sofa to never be.

Goodbye.

Picking colours for my walls, and then carefully painting. Together. Making a home for me, the home I always dreamed of. Some of the best days in my times. I felt wholesome, complete, happy. And somewhere at the back of my mind, a picture of us building our own home. We’d build it somewhere far away from neighbours, bad memories, the past, monotony (and the future). Just you an I. In that moment. A home, made with those four hands, with care and joy. A home to never see the light of day.

Goodbye.

Planning a trip together, a spontaneous, immediate trip, no matter where. My passport for Morocco. Greece? A day-trip to a star-shaped castle somewhere you know? Looking up all those close and faraway lands. For two. Two people who each daydreamed and stargazed, full of wanderlust. Dreaming of all the trips to come — you’d take me by your side, to lands of far and warm, and snow and ice, with lakes and without. Your childhood home. All the trips in the seed of my imagination, all the memories that are never to become. All the joy that is not meant for us.

Goodbye.

Side by side on top of that hill, on a Greek island somewhere in the Ionian sea. With the blue transparent waters, the white sandy shores, the nesting turtles, the drunk teens and the wonderful buzz in the air. On the hill, with all those chairs facing amphitheatrically the little circle podium in the middle... With the lights, benches, bushes… and something around us, timeless. My red dress, with a yellow umbrella in my hair, that you put there. The night breeze in my hair. My heart overflowing with joy. Pure joy. And you, beaming! I could see us, back here again, one day. Me in a dress of different colour — the colour of foaming sea. Going back to commemorate this amazing vacation, and to put a new beginning. Moments to never come, to never be.

Goodbye.

Walking down the path, the path in all those cathedrals, in all those countries. Did it ever cross your mind? Walking side by side, down to the end. As if the world didn’t exist. A wonderful man, who is not mine (and never was). Walking down together, like we’d walked many paths, side by side. Walking down together to a new beginning. A new beginning, that was nought to be.

Goodbye.

The tall, handsome father with a little curly girl by his side, and a tiny baby-boy. The air about him, so loving, so warm. The space and time almost visible in his stride, glittering. His soft smile, as he strolls down with two tiny bundles of hope. Time stopped, just for a moment. And in that moment, me seeing you in his place, looking after a tiny boy and little blond curly girl. A split second of joyous future. A memory to never come true.

Goodbye.

I let you go.

I let all the memories, that will never be, go.

I let go of those that did come to pass, too.

All our happy trips never to be (and that were), all the moments we (never) had to share, the love that never was.

A (life)time that will never be.

I let you go.

And now I’ll run, I’ll run in the wind, I’ll run in the sun, I’ll run in the rain.

Burn away the heartbreak.

Only the memories will remain, yet none of the hurt.

I mourn it as if it were, yet, it was never in the stars for us.

Today, I embrace the day.

Today, I let you go.

Only I can give myself that closure, and put a stop to all the why-s and all the hope. You gave me hope, now I take it back.

let it go

let it leave

let it happen

nothing

in this world

was promised or

belonged to you

anyway

all you own is yourself — rupi kaur

I wish you well, with all my heart.

I wish you all the happiness a human can have on this (breathtaking) planet.

I wish you love, for yourself, and for others.

Today, I let you go, for good.

Goodbye.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Neti

Neti

34 Followers

My mission is to ignite you, disrupt your version of “normal” and remind you to shine your light so that you can be wildly successful and happy, right now.